I’ve been having trouble writing the last few days.
In the middle of NaNoWriMo 2015, I’m struggling to sit down and make sense of what it is I’m doing. I’m typing and words are pouring out. I’ve got about 42,500 words, so only 7,500 words until I win (technically). It’ll be my NaNo record, finishing by day 19 or day 20. I already plan to carry on until the end of November, putting out as many words as I can…
… but will they mean anything?
I’ve always wanted to say things with my words. Sometimes, I want to say so much it stops me from writing altogether. I think to myself “that’s never going to do it justice” and I freeze and give up. Sometimes I never even start. Other people have called me out on it, but all I can do is shrug. What is the use of empty words?
Recently, I’ve been trying to teach myself that it’s impossible to say everything I want to say, in exactly the way I want to say it, in a single story. So I’ve pushed myself into starting one story that will hopefully contain some of the things I want to talk about. Sometimes I feel it does, but more often the sentences I type seem dry and meaningless. I will have to change them, I already know.
A lot of people die every day, in many different circumstances. A lot of people died a few days ago, in Paris and Beirut, in similar and terrible circumstances. I’ve been reading the words of those who survived, soaking in their meaning, trying to make sense of it all.
I wanted to call this post “How can we still write?” but realized that wasn’t the problem. Typing on a keyboard is an easy task, all things considered. I do it every day, for my work and for my own personal projects. It’s what comes out of that typing that matters.
What can we still write that truly matters?